Ordinary people rely on social status, popular trend and other people’s opinions in order to define their self-image…. and in some cases, their self-worth.
They’ve not spent enough time alone with themselves to know their own ‘I’ beyond the social context of what that ‘I’ is conditioned to represent.
Their image is molded and shaped by the subliminal feedback they get from others.
They adjust their personalities to improve feedback, but otherwise have little means of defining their own identity as individuals.
People who are not actualized in their individualism often put on a front in order to manipulate other people’s impressions of them.
This is not necessarily an intentional deception, but rather a means of coping with unresolved ego problems.
We see cracks in these fronts by way of in-congruence amongst the parts.
We see each thought, word and action betray each other wildly; competing intentions boiling beneath the surface; wobbled movements, halted speech and shifty eyes.
On the flip side, a steadiness of body language is an indicator of inner harmony between our thoughts, words and actions.
Through that expressed harmony we are perceived as being congruent in our self-identity…
…when all our wild horses have been wrangled together to charge our chariot forward in one clear direction…
…when we have no hidden agenda, no alter ego, no ghosts of our formative years; nor shame, nor pride in who we are and what we desire.
Only THEN, can we call ourselves honest men.
The shorter the gap between your actual self and your idealized self-image … the more congruent you are, and the less energy you spend protecting your ego.
The beginning of actualization is making peace with all that you are and everything that you are not.
You can admire great men, but you will never become them.
You can no longer ape the winning attributes of your idols, nor pander to the whims of the crowd.
You can only be yourself… your whole self… utterly, nakedly and un-apologetically yourself.
And although your personality is multi-dimensional, you cannot wear one persona to spite another.
Rather, let every part of yourself flow out in whatever expression the present situation inspires.
Expose every corner of your personality… completely, and to everyone.
Lay out for them all your shadows and skeletons; prides and pains; hopes and fears; prejudice and discrimination.
Not to show them off, nor to spark a feverish dialogue… but rather tossing them about like toys and little playthings for your own amusement.
In this, you subliminally give others the nod to dismiss their own hang-ups as trifles light as air; and to join you in a comfortable place of total vulnerability.
The best version of yourself is the most authentic one — not the most flawless.
When you allow people to love you – the whole you – you must also give them permission to hate you.
If you want to shine your brightest, it is inevitable that those around you will get burned occasionally.
When you learn to be OK with offending people, dismissing their expectations of you and establishing yourself as a positive threat to the social order on which their ego-definition is dependent… then at least you will have earned their envy and scorn.
Do not feel obligated to answer just because you have been asked a question… nor pay someone politeness just because they have bothered you.
Nor buy yourself into imposed social restrictions and nowhere standards of morality. No one can claim authority over you without your consent.
Do not apologize for trifles nor express gratitude for tiny favors; by doing so, you make the power of your word weak, and cheap, and meaningless.
What is your remorse and gratitude worth (when it is truly owed), if you will whore it away for good feelings every time someone turns a hair at you?
Do not reduce yourself on account of their insecurity and fragile self-esteem.
You do them a great dis-service by indulging their ego hang-ups, because you re-enforce everything that they dislike about themselves.
You give weight to their insecurities by treading lightly across them… as doing so pays acknowledgement that their hang-ups are indeed massive and obvious enough to be intentionally avoided.
Rather, establish yourself as a firm rock in the swirling storm of social anxiety and emotional politics.
Lay yourself at their feet, and suffer blows from the slings and arrows of social pressure and political correctness.
They cannot stir you. They cannot change you. They cannot expose you.
Your commitment to total vulnerability makes you invulnerable.
Most people would like very much to keep you in a tiny little box, with a label, so that you are easily identifiable and predictable.
When they take you out of the box to play, they expect to wind you up and have you dance to their tune.
Reject their preconceived expectations and diligently practice non-compliance with any ordinary convention that reduces you.
Do this while demonstrating wide-openness, cool confidence and unconditional love…
You will empower others beyond measure.
Even those who come to hate you… are disarmed.
Even those who come to envy you… are inspired.
Even those whose feelings you’ve hurt… are ignited.
No one can claim moral high-ground over you.
No one can make their problems into your problems.
No one can impose their expectations onto you.
People will find strength in your strength; confidence in your confidence; contentedness in yours as well.
By being yourself, you are giving others permission to drop the front and be themselves also… all of themselves, completely exposed without apology or reservation.
No one need tip-toe around eggshells with you, as you do not recognize the legitimacy of ordinary social or emotional limits so far as they prevent you from being the best version of yourself.
Others will relax and open up around you… your nonchalance shields their ego from collateral damage.
You have removed yourself from the matrix of social frames upon which others rely on to define themselves.
In doing so, you also liberate those people from their own matrix, by giving them a glimpse of what life is like outside the frame.
You are the living proof.
You are the rock in the storm.
You are the silent void.
And THAT is the revolution they’ve been waiting for.